after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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