my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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