so that wasnt chicken after all
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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