the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
