On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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