He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
