so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
