Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
