So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My pussy is not your playground.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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