somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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