My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
