That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
