i love accidental penises.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
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We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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