Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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