I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
