Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
