Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
