you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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