Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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