some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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