Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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