Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
