I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
