peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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