If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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