Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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