Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
