direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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