i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
