i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
