Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
