well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
is it fun? or sober?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
