I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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