Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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