maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
