But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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