I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
