Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
