i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
