The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
