She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
