I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck me I smell like cheese
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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