she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
