I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drake has all the answers
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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