Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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