the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
