I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
