you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
