its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pants are for mortals
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize