i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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