It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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