good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
