I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
