your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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