the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
