I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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