Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Congratulations! We have a period
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
