It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
