I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
