It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Randomize
