how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
