I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
