i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
