if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
