she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So vagazzling was a success
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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