I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the day after is always just damage control
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
