There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
50% drunk capacity currently
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
