I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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