ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
