I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
