I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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