I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
