I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
