Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
