oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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