I want to stick my p in your. b.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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