she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think my moral compass just broke
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
