I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
